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Charlotte. I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Check your facts.

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Monday, August 15, 2016
'I'm just so angry all the time'

I went to Berlin! I'm not even going to try and be chill about it bc I'm fully not looool I loved it

The week just gone all I did was go to Franco Manca and Chiswick Tabard with Sebastian before I went to Louisa's after my half day on Friday, her stepdad drove us to the airport and we had Nando's and Spoons before meeting Camilla in the departure lounge and then playing would you rather on the plane which was well fun

When we got to the hotel we were like dead so we just went to bed, and when we woke up the next morning we went to Distrikt in Mitte for breakfast and I had buttermilk pancakes, they were sooooo nice!! We walked to the German Parliament after that and from there to the Brandenburg Gate, the Holocaust Memorial and the memorial for murdered Sinti and Roma, and then the Holocaust museum all of which was v interesting but v sobering

We then walked to Kreuzberg through Tiergarten and it was really cute, we stopped for a drink and then went back to the hotel to chill for a while before going out again. We went through Viktoriapark by accident but we found a cool stream where you can see a street at the bottom and a really cool statue in the middle so it was all good! We then went to a really nice Italian but there was cheese in my pasta :-( but it was still so good! We just talked and then we were laughing about the bit in Harry Potter where he's like 'I'm just so angry all the time' and idk why it was so funny but it was

We went to two bars after that, one of which served huuuuge and very alcoholic cocktails and then one where I had a naan bread too and then we went back to the hotel

When we woke up the next morning we were starving and we bought pastries that none of us really liked before buying bread in Yorckstraße and going onto a bit of the Berlin Wall where you could see from a viewing platform where the people were shot between the walls and then a museum that explained about the process of splitting the city and its resistance which I found v interesting

Then we went to the East Side Gallery which was so interesting, the murals were so brilliant and we saw an exhibition on one side of Syrian refugees who had been affected by the revolution in Syria and its aftermath. We went to a restaurant on the river and it was all just v cute but then we had to go back to the hotel because Camilla had to catch a flight :-(

After Camilla left me and Louisa sat in the hotel lobby for a bit to recuperate and then went to Neukolln for Sudanese food at a place called Sahara and omg it was so fucking good I can't even explain, and I wish I could have explored that area more, we spent like the whole meal bitching it was great hahahaha

Then we went to the airport and our flight was delayed :-( so we were soooo tired and we went straight to bed and I had three hours sleep so today I am dead but it was a 10/10 weekend!!!

Posted at 01:23 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Monday, August 08, 2016
Best to you

I've been doing a lot of work so not much interesting to write about there! I'm settling in but there's still stuff I don't know how to do obviously, it's OK and of course I'd rather be at uni but lol I think all my friends feel the same so it's not like I'm alone which defo does help.

In amongst the boring ass job stuff:

  • Went to the London Apprentice with Amy and Alice which was v fun and cute
  • Lunch at One Over the Ait for Damon's leaving and Sam's birthday which was nice and then went to nan and grandad's with mum and grandad made chips!
  • Worked from Hounslow then home and then chilled in the garden with Sebastian which was v nice
  • On the Saturday had lunch with Sebastian in Bellissimo's in Twickenham and then to Kingston with Rachel for some shopping, before we got ready for Anna's birthday at mine and then went, Abby came too and imo it wasn't the best because we didn't know anyone but it was nice to be out
  • The Sunday I went to the gym and then slept in the afternoon lol
  • Met people from NA at work which was cool before going to Spoons with Rachel, Kinga, Laura and Abby which was soooooo fun, we had drinks and bitched about people and had bare gossip actually and it was well sick and Abby met a guy at Anna's looool it was so jokes his conversation was dead, she was trying so hard hahahaha
  • Went to nan and grandad's one day after work and grandad read out a really funny poem he'd written and it was v cute
  • Went to a CCG meeting with Ruth and that evening went to the Prince Blucher with Sebastian which was lovely, we sat out in the garden and it was v chill and nice and we came home and felt v into each other which is cringe but cute
  • Saturday I spent with Sebastian having v cheap lemonades and a baked potato up the high street and then we went to my grandparents' and mum came too - then Amy drove me and Alice to the Everyman in Esher and we watched Suicide Squad which was sick! Then we had some drinks behind Amy's house on the river and then a couple in her garden
  • Sunday I ran 5km which I was p pleased with and hung out with my family and it was really nice to actually chill and spend time with them :-)

There's good and bad in everything I guess

Posted at 01:03 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Sunday, July 24, 2016
A winner don't quit on themselves

#tfw u a graduate

I feel so nostalgic for some aspects of uni! But that is all of us in one boat and tbh I'm sure that'll hit more in September so let's just let that stew for a while

Monday I didn't really do anything and then on Tuesday went up for my graduation, it was 32 fucking degrees which made me want to die but it was quite cool! Got a lot of good pictures etc and was nice to see all my friends again but didn't really get that much of a chance to actually talk to anyone. It was quite cool when they said 'graduating with first class honours' before my name though :-) then went for curry with my mumma but it was still sooooo hot and the curry was sick but we were so tired

Went back up on Wednesday for Eline etc's business graduation and saw a load of people which was nice and much more relaxed, more of my friends do business so it was v nice to hang out and not wear the robes, that was cool and then went to Spoons with Mary before we saw Camilla and Louisa at a pub in London Bridge for a drink

Thursday I watched three episodes of Jane the Virgin in the day bc I'm disgusting and then went to Mary, Rebecca and Ellie's flat for predrinks, Eline and Vilde, Sam, Camilla and Nour were there too and it was so fun, we played loads of Cards Against Humanity and then some of us went to the Book Club but we left at 1am, I was dying looooool but it was such a fun night!

Friday I felt like death and went home around lunchtime before Sebastian came round and I napped with him, I was so dead, and then in the evening we ate in the garden and hung out in the garden and it was just v nice

On Saturday we went to the park in Meadway and had ice cream and sat in the sun, and then walked back through Crane Park and it was lovely and warm and then after I came home I went to meet Abby for an hour and we went to see Rachel at work before I went to meet Amy by the river for a picnic and beers, which we did for hourzzzzz (was v fun but I was v tired), I hadn't seen her for ages so it was lovely!

Today I went to the gym and didn't do much and slept at my grandparents' but this evening after collecting a guitar Sebastian came round and it was lovely! He really does make me smile v much :-) he was so excited about the guitar and idk I hate being soppy but he really is wonderful. Work tomorrow...weird to think that's my life now for like a year!

Posted at 10:01 am by ArghNotThePony
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Monday, July 18, 2016
Have you seen or have you heard?

So it's been a while since I last blogged and a week of that was in work, which is going to make for v boring blogging tbh, so that'll be fun for the next year.

In between all the boring stuff I:

  • Went to a pub in Wimbledon with Sebastian and drank wine and it was lovely
  • Went to the gym a few times and started showering there which is actually quite relaxing and enjoyable, I really like the gym even though I kind of hate the gym because it's something that forces me to be both present and not. I think that makes sense
  • Had a coffee in Whitton with Alex before spending the evening with Sebastian
  • Went to Chiswick with Sebastian for breakfast! It was quite cheap and v lovely and he bought me a lucky cat from Waterstones for work and was patient af while I looked around all the books, before going for a curry with mum that evening
  • Went to Franco Manca and the rooftop of the Alexandra with Louisa and Nour after my first full day of work
  • Saw the Women in Transport APPG launch
  • Went to a barbecue at Laura's with Rachel and met some people and had nice food and beer and chilled and sang Drake on an empty bus on the way home (with Rachel not alone) which was v fun and actually quite cute
  • Heard Ruth speak at a maternity discrimination WH debate and she used basically what I had briefed!! I thought she'd change the words but she didn't and I found that possibly more exciting than I should've, and went to the gym after
  • Went to Cafe Venice with Sebastian and had three courses for quite cheap and the food was lovely and so was he - this was after having fish and chips on the terrace at work
  • Met Laura and had brunch with prosecco at Forge and Co, and it was v v nice and then met Rebecca and Owen (maybe they're together now), Mary and Ellie in Victoria Park for a picnic and it was soooooo nice
  • Spent Sunday not doing much much but did go for a huge walk, longer than I've done at home for ages, which I enjoyed loads - not sure why I enjoy walking there so much but there's something that makes me feel very calm and again, inside myself. I mean even if I told people where I go, which I have done, I feel like it's very much something I do for me
  • Met Alex in 28 degree heat and sat by the river in Richmond for ages having beers and listening to music and chilling, it was v calming and nice

I've also been learning Dutch, hanging out with my grandparents, reading and finishing All the Light We Cannot See and listening to Blood Orange's new album. I've been spending quite a lot of time inside my own head. I feel both content and not. I guess right now I feel content but not happy, but I can envisage future happiness at this point so I'm ok with that. It's a weird state to be in, I feel anchored in a way I find quite disconcerting but at the same time comforting. It's kind of nice to know the best bit of what could happen hasn't come yet - even if uni is the best, there's better to come than now. Maybe I'm weird in finding that a comfort.

Posted at 02:42 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Monday, July 04, 2016
Who do you think of when you're lonely?

So the day after I did the last post we (well I say we, definitely not me) voted to leave the EU which is just The Worst Decision Ever and has caused so much anger etc but this is not me blogging about current affairs lol so yeah basically that sucked and I was hugely (and still am) very angry

The day we found out I went to Richmond with Rachel and Laura and we had food and a 'fizz bucket' (lol) at Slug and Lettuce in the sun and then went to sit outside on the balcony at Revs which was v nice, got way more drinks and sat in the sun and discussed that amongst many things and then after a while Kim joined us which was nice, then I went to work drinks and they were fine

That weekend I didn't do much, went to Cafe Venice with my mumma and went to the gym and stuff, and then on Monday I went to uni with mum and later Sebastian to pack up and bring home the majority of my stuff that's left up there except big things and kitchen stuff, and when we came home we had beer and cheesecake and watched England vs Iceland, and Sebastian supported Iceland which is 100% not ok lmao

On Tuesday me and Sebastian had breakfast in Twickenham and then went to mow my grandparents' lawns which didn't take too long before going to the Barmy Arms with Alice for a couple of drinks. Wednesday I did a 5km at the gym and then went to meet Mary, Louisa, Hannah and Ellie for drinks which was v cute and nice, and then walked back with Louisa to Waterloo and it was v cute

Thursday I went to Richmond with Alex and we had our customary browse in Whole Foods before getting a couple of pints and sitting by the river with music and it was really chill and nice, and in the evening I went to the pub with Rachel and Kim which was nice but I was bare tired.

Friday I went to Chiswick with Sebastian and we found SUCH a nice cafe, it was so lovely, and then also a book shop where all the books were so cheap and we had a lovely walk around :-) it was so cute and nice to do something different as well! V nice day and then in the evening we got fish and chips with mum which was very nice and I also booked flight tickets to Berlin with Camilla and Louisa!!!!

Saturday I spent some of with Sebastian and then I went to the gym before going up to Mile End with Rachel and having predrinks with Kathrine before going to the Book Club where they had a like bashment night going on which was so sick!! The music was so good and we had loads of fun and yeah I was v happy :-) and then yesterday I felt shit lol but we had Spoons breakfast and then me and Rachel went to meet Louisa via the DLR (love it) and we went to the Tate Modern because it's all new and it was v cool, loved some of the art and was massively underwhelmed by some of it looool. There's a viewing platform now which is sick and it was such a nice Sunday but jfc we walked 10 miles in total yesterday and today I am BEYOND tired lol

Posted at 03:53 am by ArghNotThePony
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Thursday, June 23, 2016
Easily I'm the sweetest damn thing you ever saw

Lol I haven't written for so long

On my last week of uni I did bitty things like packing and shit for two of the days but on the Wednesday after work I went and met Rebecca, Ellie, Louisa, Eline and Nour for cocktails at this weird place in Piccadilly which was v nice, and then minus Rebecca and Ellie we went for dinner at this Greek place which was cute but overpriced and then onto frozen yoghurt :-) on the Thursday I was on the phone to Alex for two hours looool and then talked in the kitchen with Elinour for literally hours which was nice. On the Friday I did a 90 min round trip walk to Limehouse which was nice, then met Eline, Sam and Nour and some business people and then Rebecca in central and we went to All Bar One and had foooood and drinks and then in the evening I had a Final Curry with my flatmates hahaha insert crying emoji here, and then in the morning we had brunch at the Chesterfield then I came home with Eline (well she carried on to the airport) and omg did I cry or what, so predictable

The day after I did the Colour Run with Nour and Louisa which was actually so much fun! I wanted to die in parts which shows I really need to try and up my running game lol and it was v cute and wholesome and shit like that

I've been to work a few days since and I veer between feeling v capable and like I'm a kid dressed as an adult and will be discovered soon lol

I also had a coffee with grandad after the gym which was nice!! I think he really enjoyed it, I did :-) and nan helped me clear some of my room out which helped a lot

I've also been to the pub with Alice, watched the Red Bull soundclash with Sebastian after we cleared some stuff from Mile End, Alex popped in for an hour on Monday unannounced which was actually really nice (I'd had really low B12 levels and been feeling shite) and got kicked out of Pryzm with Rachel on Saturday looooool, was dead but she had predrinks and Abby came round and that was actually so fun. Also saw Louisa last night for Las Iguanas and cocktails and bitching about the EU referendum and annoying people from uni and generally being twins so that was v nice!

That's all I've done, being home is good so far but I don't like the fact I have a bit more time to dwell on the ennui of being alive lol because then I get a bit down and uni has been v good at distracting me from that. Also been reading a lot, both a good book called The Year of the Runaways and a book called When to Rob a Bank by the guys behind Freakonomics and am thoroughly enjoying having time to read again :-)

Posted at 12:09 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Monday, June 06, 2016
From canal to ocean in a week

Last week has been very packed, mostly really good but some sad!

On Sunday I read some of Gone Girl in the morning then as a flat we met Mary and Louisa in Victoria Park for drinks, and once we were suitably tipsy walked to Bar No. 90 and met Rebecca and later on, Camilla and Amalie, for like a dance event and stuff

It was so nice! They had an outside deck literally on the canal which was lovely so we drank there - tropical red bull and rum is really nice - and it was cute, went for food and bought crisps and came back and danced and it was v v fun

On Monday I went to the gym in the morning and saw Captain America with Sebastian in the afternoon which was really good but a bit long, and then we came back and cooked food and it was v nice

In the morning I went to Spoons with him and we got breakfast and chatted and after their exam, Eline and Kathrine came and then after a while Sebastian left and I stayed with Eline and Kathrine for a while and it was soooo fun, then I went to Westfield to buy work shoes which are so pretty but cripple me a bit.

Wednesday I went to work and it was kind of shit, then in the evening me and Eline went to Kathrine's for predrinks with Viktor, and Camilla and Amalie were there even though they weren't going out, and we drank a lot of jäger and Amalie was quiz host for a quiz drinking game hahahaha

We walked to Drapers and it was so fun, lots of dancing and drinking and I saw Chris who got into Barts which I'm v pleased about! Then after a while me and Viktor walked home, we sat on the top of Mile End Park (kind of? There's like a hill) then I had some water in his kitchen because man was drunk af and then he walked me home - apparently 'I'm rare' lol but I think that was probably the drink speaking

Thursday I was a bit mopey, probably because the last Drapers night as well as other stuff, but went for coffee with Camilla, and on Friday I met Amy in London and we went to the Attendant for lunch which used to be a toilet but was converted into a cafe - lol how gentrified but it was still nice! Then we had a wander and then I went home, in the evening went to the Lord Tredegar with Nour, Eline and Camilla :-)

Saturday I went to Viktor's early and talked to him and then Nour and Camilla came and later Amalie, her sister Ingvil and her friend and Erik and then Eline and we had coffee in the kitchen and all just sat there and talked literally for hours and it was so nice, very chill, and afterwards me and Nour and Eline went for curry on Brick Lane and that was sooooo nice as well (overusing nice? Me? Never)

Sunday me, Nour and Eline met Viktor at Mile End - he was going home for the last time, brb crying - and got the tube some of the way with him which was nice and then carried on going, and then we were in Soho and we went to a nice coffee shop and then Veggie Pret which is like a trial shop kind of thing?! Got the first ever baguette that I can actually eat and it was so nice! We went to a few shops on Oxford Street and that was really nice too, before going to Hyde Park and getting some ice lollies/cream and laying there for a while which was sooooo nice - we came home so tired and watched First Dates :-)

Today me, Eline, Nour and Rebecca went to Brighton!! I would so love to live there for a little while, I just love everything about it - could never settle there; it's not big enough, but I love it. We went to the pier and played loads of arcade games, sat on the beach, went to a pub/bar for lunch - fish and chips were so nice - and walked around the Lanes and North Laine and went to a bar for some wine :-) it was so lovely to be out and walking around and seeing new things in a new place!! Such a lovely day, literally a 10/10 and now I am so tired hahaa

Posted at 03:08 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Saturday, May 28, 2016
Girl you don't know your worth

Since I last wrote, I did my last ever three days in the library, the last of which consisted of me being highly unproductive, giving it the middle finger as I left and buying a soya strawberries and cream frappuccino instead because the awful white girl inside me can never be fully vanquished

On Monday I had my last exam and now I have finished all undergraduate work forever which is not as terrifying as I thought it might be; and the exam went OK so that was good. Afterwards, we went to Pizza Express - me, Eline, Nour, Mary, Louisa, Camilla, Viktor, Heidi and Emilie, and later Kathrine and Camilla's friend Roxanne joined us and we went to a lovely pub on Shoreditch High Street called the Crown and Shuttle - it had an amazing bit of garden with fairy lights that was secluded and high above the rest of the garden and we sat there and it was very fitting and lovely and I'm glad I did that instead of going out out tbh

On Tuesday I went to Westfield with Nour and Camilla and bought too much stuff lol and then came home and started reading for fun for the first time in god knows how long!!! I'm reading The Girl on the Train right now and I'm really enjoying it.

Wednesday I went to work and I kind of felt like I fitted in more? Which is a weird thing to say but went to a couple of meeting things and actually really enjoyed them. Afterwards went to this posh wine place with Nour, Mary, Rebecca and this guy she's seeing and it was v nice and wine-ish and I felt far too scruffy hahaha

Thursday in the day I went on a city cruise thing with Eline, Hakan, Amalie and Camilla and even though it was just us and a load of old people it was so nice and calm and fun! I really enjoy stuff like that, and afterwards we went to Slug and Lettuce in Tower Hill which I enjoyed immensely and everything was Good and Nice and it was a v nice and sunny day and afterwards I went home and ate curry with my mum

Friday I went out with Alex, we bought one beer at the White Cross, walked up towards Petersham and bought another at the Roebuck and sat outside and it was lovely to see him and hang out and after I went to a gin testing thing with work and it was v interesting to see the distillery and drink the gin and stuff, and in the evening I went to the pub with Rachel but felt so tired, had to only drink water lmao

Today I came back to Mile End and sat in Victoria Park for three hours, laying in the sun, reading my book and Glamour lol and omg it was so nice to have time on my own!!!! Literally such a luxury, such a nice afternoon. Came back and have had dinner and now going to watch something with Elinour :-)

Posted at 11:39 am by ArghNotThePony
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Thursday, May 19, 2016
I'm too good for you

I am good and bad and alert and tired and sad and happy and idk

On Friday I just revised more and then went to the gym and even though I'm unhappy af with my body and weight atm, I am definitely fitter and stronger than I used to be so that's a conundrum lol

Saturday library and then went to Kathrine's to watch Eurovision with my flatmates and obviously the others who live there and Emilie, Sofie and Viktor and some annoying people I don't like and it was fun but the people I didn't know were loud and annoying and I was just like why tf are you here basically

On Sunday library and then Sebastian came round which was very nice and on Monday work, and at work I managed to do loads of stuff without any guidance, I wrote and researched some original shit and I know it's not much but it made me quite pleased with myself, we had a team lunch for Ruth's birthday and I saw Dan from my course and it was a nice day!

Tuesday was Norway day! Well according to Eline 17th May but whatever, it was me, Kathrine, Camilla, Eline, Louisa, Emilie, Sofie, Cecilie, Viktor, Amalie and loads of other people I don't really know and we had cake and champagne breakfast at Kathrine's and that was cute and then afterwards went to Southwark Park and had some alcohol and chilled there and then went to Spoons in Stepney and it was just a very nice day, was so lovely to see everyone and have a day away from revision and spend time with everyone and Louisa stayed round and we watched The Thick of It and it was very cute and fun

Wednesday revision all day and the same with today except we went to the Victoria with Mary, Rebecca and Ellie and sat in the caravan in the garden and then inside and talked a lot and I felt like I hadn't seen them for ages and it was very nice :-)

Very unlikely I'll get a first and as someone who places way too much emphasis on academic grades, but also as someone who knows a 2:1 on a CV is a 2:1 whether it's 61 or 69, and who could've fucked off a load more work for basically the same result, I am feeling like crap. So who knows.

Posted at 12:28 pm by ArghNotThePony
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Thursday, May 12, 2016
I need one dance

I haven't posted anything for ages ugh and basically any gaps are just me revising so that explains them away lol, a lot of days have been filled with that and nothing else

  • At the beginning of the month me and mum decided that our tabby lady was actually too old and frail to withstand any more so we decided to do the best thing by her - I know this is euphemistic which I hate but idk - and I went home on the Tuesday to be with her for a day and we spent a lot of time in the garden together and chilling out and she was very happy, or as much as she can be for how old and frail she was. On Wednesday 4th we did it and it was absolutely horrible but I know it was the best thing and I'm still kind of sad.
  • Had champagne and scones for Grace's leaving thing at work on Wednesday and revised all Thursday before having a beer in the garden of the Victoria with Eline, Laura, Kathrine and Amalie after their exam
  • On Friday I went home with Nour and we watched the Rocky Horror Show with Rachel and Anna, then got cocktails from Revs in plastic cups and sat outside with them, and then Anna went home and we got beerz with Rachel
  • On Saturday we went to Hounslow, then came back and collected Eline (it was v warm) then went on the Emirates airline! Nearly shat myself but so glad I did it, then in the evening went to the Royal Inn on the Park with those two and Viktor which was v fun
  • Sunday was library all day which sucked because it was so hot and nice but in the evening went for curry with Nour, Eline, Louisa, Rhian and Camilla which was v nice
  • Monday went to Senate House all day which was a bit killer but v nice coffee and lunch break with all the above minus Rhian! Was quite stressful, wrote five timed essays hahahaha
  • Wednesday was v long af revision and just ended up talking to Louisa for like an hour instead haha
  • Today was the exam!! It went as well as it possibly could have gone I think, and then afterwards I went to Spoons with Eline, Nour, Louisa, Camilla and Kathrine which was v fun then I went to Westfield with Louisa and Eline and it was sooooo fun! I didn't buy much but we walked through the Olympic Park to get there which was really nice and they had like swings and stuff and I bought a nice dress from Primark and some shorts and some comfy trousers for round the house and I am so happy that it's over with because revision was 0/10 :-)

Posted at 02:04 pm by ArghNotThePony
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